The Inferiority Complex & Dating

 Some distinct characteristics that give people the impression of feeling inferior when it comes to dating. These issues are closely associated with society’s perception of suitability and cultural taste.  Appearance, Education, Ethnicity, Height, Weight, Build, Complexion, Heritage, Social Class, Location, and Religion are the most common criteria for people to use to filter potential partners.  In many cases, complete swatches of the population are overlooked in pursuit of this “perceived more suitable person“.   The rationale behind this theory is that by starting out with more commonalities between partners based on aforementioned criteria the relationship will experience fewer problems. In theory there is some validity to this argument; however what most fail to realize is that the criteria are only a preliminary qualifier.

The filtering used in the initial stages of dating are the most daunting for those plagued by the inferiority complex in respect to dating. The problem is that many of these people may wrestle with issues such as low self-esteem and a fear of the dating process may enhance those sentiments because of the perceived higher standard that must be met that is set by others.  The commercialization of dating also contributes to this level of uncertainty in the sense that the dating industry constantly features flawless men and women in advertisements.  This imposed pressure adds fuel to the fire in the sense that perfection may be a feasible expectation for a potential partner.

However, in turn, some may take it upon themselves to raise their own standards (sometimes based on commercialization, celebrity obsession or some other criteria) in order to 1) feel better about themselves and 2) to make someone else feel the pain of rejection or pressures they have experienced.    The commercial concept is used in this sense “Make you feel worthless until you qualify to use our product or service”.  The same applies to some setting dating criteria in the sense that they would like to project a sense of inferiority until one can measure up to their standards.

This form of projection is futile and childish and in many cases these people wind up alone or stuck in a dating slump.  The high standards will lead to some form of isolation over time.  In essence, people using this disposition don’t feel good enough to compete with others for what they would like to have in their lives so in their dating down-line they raise the requirements and potential suitors may lose interest due to a person over-valuing themselves.

Think of it from this perspective, If you went to purchase a Mercedes that’s roughly about US$70K and you have that amount of cash, but instead you choose to buy two Buicks for US$35K each and then try to resell them both for the price of the Mercedes. The buyer will more than likely only purchase one or neither of the vehicles.  The logic is that the buyer of the Buick seeks a vehicle that is functional and practical to maintain.  The parallel would be a guy or lady choosing a partner based on more simplified and realistic criteria than one that implies high-maintenance.  The Mercedes, on the other hand, may sit on the market longer because of its impractical nature for people to afford and maintain.  The price of the two Buicks do not have the perceived value of the single Mercedes and therefore are a more practical purchase.  The parallel is that the Buicks are those practical singles who have reasonable expectations while the Mercedes may require higher standards, but both vehicles serve the same purpose.

The problem for many singles is that most want to be that Mercedes with the higher standards, even though the practical Buick approach would yield more beneficial results.  The same parallel is true with people in their perceptions of what someone is considered to be worth in emotional capitalFor this reason, people have dating preferences to promote a personal agenda and their own personal interest. The problem with using the example for some as a rule of thumb is that people remain ignorant about the individuals that may be best suited for them who may or may not meet the criteria or be the Mercedes. “How many times have you heard people say that they have settled for someone?” This is a clear statement that tells you that apparently, a person got who they could get (Buick) instead of who they wanted (Mercedes). Statements like these are what most people try to avoid in relationships. However, in this case, they either could not sell both of the Buicks metaphorically or the Mercedes.

One thing should be clearly noted that all dating situations have a down-line, meaning that as you pursue someone, someone is or may be potentially pursuing you, and the person you are pursuing is pursuing someone else. We rarely think about this, but the majority of emotions are internalized and therefore we see the actions of individuals, it is only the tip of the iceberg when it some to what they are thinking. The guy who takes a lady to dinner may think far beyond the bedroom as the lady may think far beyond children. The tentative state is where objectivity and doubt prevail as it should, but if it becomes the norm in a relationship eventually it morphs into resentment. This resentment leads to statements such as “I married beneath myself…”. This is the argument that is commonly used to ensure that the partner remains in the relationship and that the inferiority complex stays in his or her place. Sometimes children, divorce, debt, or extra-marital affairs are used as extortion tools to enforce compliance.

In short it comes down to avoiding your inferiority complex to become a weakness that is open to exploitation. You should retain that personal value for yourself first without expecting validation from others that could be in worse shape than yourself. Be mindful to not fall into the loop of over-valuation in the sense that you are too good for someone and over-look an opportunity to advance your life forward instead of being alone or worse in a relationship where you believe you could have done better.

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